Wherein lie my Strengths, therein lie my Weaknesses. It is two sides of the same coin: My Strengths can be clearly distinct from my Weaknesses. However, my Strengths can be my Weaknesses and vice versa. Which characteristic is projected or perceived at any given time depends on the context, both internal and external. And this context can either be mine or the people with whom I interact.
I ponder this as I reflect on friendships/relationships that have disintegrated.
In one of my lost friendships, their world changed dramatically. Their internal and external perspectives shifted from context A to context B. I was not responsive to the change or as responsive as they needed. I relied heavily on the strength of our context A friendship and continued to behave and interact with them with context A tendencies. Inevitably the misalignment meant that I began to offend, without intending to do so. In their eyes, I moved from being a “confidant, I-can-talk-to-you-about-everything, trustworthy” friend to an “apathetic, non-sympathetic, non-supportive” friend. I was not wrong, but neither was I right. They too were not wrong, but neither were they right.
The context within which we had operated our friendship for years had simply changed. And none of us were the wiser. I should have been responsive to the change, and met them at their current point of need; and they too should have been responsive to my good intentions and behaviour that had benefitted them and had worked wonders in the past.
What happens in such an impasse?
Acceptance and Forgiveness. And sometimes space!
Accept what they perceive as your wrongdoing and forgive them for what you perceive as their wrongdoing. The friendship/relationship may remain intact with new conditioning. However, sometimes there may need to be Space/Distance. We often regard distance in a negative way. This negative view tends to dishonour the memory of the friendship/relationship. There can be no greater gift to someone who once meant something to you to allow them the (safe) Space they need, to function in their new context, if you know deep down that within this new context, you will not add value, at least to the extent they need. Allow them (and yourself) the space, rather than allowing the misalignment to become a toxic weapon you both wield against each other.
Love and care will always flow no matter the distance and context, where REAL genuine love and care once existed!